Dear Mr. Jeffries,
As it’s come to my attention that you offer clothing only to “cool people” and specifically state “no fat chicks” are allowed, I figured I might want to sit down and write you a critique of your marketing scheme. Given that there are very few controls leveled against the food giants who work to feed our citizens more and more crap in lieu of real food, and the fact that this has a clearly dynamic effect on the health and appearance of our citizenry, it occurs to me that you’ll lose more and more of your potential customers as time goes on. Americans are getting fatter. That means your customer base is shrinking. Too bad for you.
It honestly doesn’t bother me personally, since I was never one of the “cool people.” Couldn’t be. My mind just didn’t work that way. Conforming was never an option. I could have worn your overpriced clothing and it still wouldn’t have made me cool.
But now I am cool. Very cool. How so? Because I grew up to think for myself, and to defy the expectations of people like you. People like me because I speak my mind, and I am perfectly willing to tell people like you what to do with your prejudices.
So, in short, fuck you, your store, your clothing, and your heroin-chic female models. YOU fuck them, because I wouldn’t if you paid me. I’ll remain content with my “not cool” wife and her not-good-enough for your store body shape. Because I’m not a shallow asshole like you. I see people as being far more than their appearance or weight. Or their ability to conform to what the “cool kids” are doing.
And, in case you didn’t catch it earlier… Fuck you, and the clotheshorse you rode in on. You’re just another example of a rich asshole who can’t afford a clue. I can think of a lot of women who wouldn’t fit your standards who are hotter than the back side of the sun.